Today has brought with it an immense amount of gratitude in my heart. It seems that Sundays have been especially nostalgic lately.
I have been able to attend Relief Society the last couple of weeks, due to my release as the ward's Primary Chorister (the BEST calling in the whole church, I'm certain), and have actually thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. I've been able to sit next to a good friend both weeks and have enjoyed being near her and being able to share of her wonderful spirit. She is a relatively new convert to the church and I can tell how much she loves the Lord and how much being a member of the Church means to her. I'm so greatly blessed by friends like this wonderful young woman and am so grateful for her. I am going to miss my beautiful Chanel (sad face).
Today we were chatting about President Lorenzo Snow and his feelings about Spiritual education. There were a few tangents that made their entrance into and away from the conversation, but as we chatted and as we were taught, I had a few things come to my mind that I felt I needed to share.
1. Sometimes a speaker in church just hits you. In my experience, the most powerful message I have ever heard was given by Jeffrey R. Holland in the 2009 LDS General Conference. It was so amazing to see him stand there, adamantly expressing that the Book of Mormon and the Gospel are true. As I watch it, 3 years later, I feel as grateful for his testimony today as I did then. I sat there in that chapel watching the small t.v. and listened intently to his witness of the Book of Mormon. My two children (Andrew only 3 and Mason only 8 months old) were completely quiet for this 10-minute moment in time.
Have you ever had that moment? You know, the one like in the movies when everything in the background goes out of focus and the person in the foreground seems to come more forward? That moment of focus that lets you know that each thing that is said is meant JUST for that person, and they are 100% aware of the impact that it is going to have on their lives? That's my moment. All of a sudden, Elder Holland was speaking DIRECTLY to me, challenging me to doubt what he was testifying of, and I couldn't do it. I remember sitting there, listening to his powerful testimony, and thinking to myself "Of COURSE it's true! I already know it!" For the first time in my life, I felt like I didn't have to lean on anyone else's testimony. I knew it all on my own and it was good enough for me. No doubt. And I haven't doubted it since.
2. A few months later, in my ward in Wenatchee, Washington, I had quite an experience that frustrated and exhausted me. I had been attending church alone for some time (as I always do, since my husband is not a member of the LDS Church), and, while sitting in Sacrament Meeting, my then 1-year-old, Mason, crouched down and peed right out of the side of his diaper... all over the floor in the Chapel. As if it weren't horrifying enough to try to wipe it up as everyone around me saw the panic in my eyes and the pee all over the floor, my oldest son, Andrew, ran out the other side of the pew and up to the stand and into the empty choir chairs. Right in the middle of Sacrament Meeting, during our Bishop's wife's talk, Andrew took off running. I tried to catch him on his way up, and as I did, Mason took off up the other side. I was mortified! On my own, trying to catch TWO running children was proving to be impossible. I was able to grab Andrew and right when I was near tears with all eyes of the congregation on myself and my defiant children, my Home Teacher, Brandon Child, rushed up and grabbed that little Mason and sat him on his arm. *Face Palm* Here he was, helping me in such an embarrassing moment for me, and he set that little peed bottom right on his Suit Coat. I could hardly stand it. I went home that day nearly consumed in self-pity and tears, trying to muster the courage to call him and thank him for his help, as well as offer to dry clean that suit jacket for him.
I was despondent and beyond frustrated. As I stood making dinner that night, I got a phone call from my Bishop's wife, Elisabeth. She called me to encourage me, to tell me how inspiring I am for coming to church all alone and doing the right thing even though it's hard. She told me that she hoped I wouldn't let the events of that day keep me from attending church in the future and she told me how much she admired what I was doing to instill faith and good Sunday practices in my very young children. I already knew I wasn't going to leave the church because of an embarrassing 10-minute horror story (as it seemed), but it was so nice to have a call from a wonderful person who took the time to call and lift me up when I was feeling so completely defeated. Her words stick with me to this day, and even when I feel like it is too much to do on my own, I remember her telling me "that it will all be worth it" as my children learn and grow in the Gospel. I am truly grateful for her every day.
3. About a decade ago (ugh) someone challenged my mom to read the Book of Mormon every month for an entire year. That required a full 18 pages of reading each day in order to make the goal. Twelve times through the book. I remember days when she would miss a day of reading and the next day would require 36 pages of reading. I remember how much she would sit there, determined to get all of those pages read, no matter how tired she was, and still managed to get all of her work done and be an amazing mother to myself and my siblings (though I never appreciated her enough). Her dedication to reading and to meeting that challenge has affected me in so many different ways. I remember how she would tell me that each time she read through it, she would get so much more out of it and it would affect her in different ways each month. It's like she was learning things on a new level with each turn of the page.
As I prepared to take out my endowments and attend the temple for the first time a few years ago, I made a promise to myself that I would read the Book of Mormon all the way through before my temple date. I made that promise to myself 3 weeks before I left for Utah. I realized that I would have to read a few more than 18 pages a day to get it done, and as I started to really read it... with a real earnest desire to read it and know it was true, I found myself hardly able to put it down. All of a sudden so much of it made sense in my life. Maybe it was because I was reading it for myself this time. Maybe it was because I was reading it so quickly. Regardless of the reason, I found myself enjoying every verse, drinking in every moment and spending all my free time studying and pondering those words. Even days when I needed a good nap, or needed to go to bed, I wanted to read instead. I have been so grateful for the opportunity to read and re-read the Book of Mormon.
I know that these three examples may not mean much to the average person. I know that people who read this may look at what I wrote and doubt and question and ignore what I feel and what I say. But I will testify right here that I KNOW that the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the one TRUE church on this earth. I KNOW that what is taught is true, that this organized religion is IMPERATIVE and that every moment I live, I am affected and changed for the better because of this church. I am grateful to be able to share with my children and teach them the things that I know. I am grateful for the Atonement of the Savior and the opportunity that it provides me to right my wrongs and repent of my sins. I am grateful that I have an Advocate to have mercy on my soul at the last day and the Judgement bar of God. I am grateful for mercy, for suffering, for challenges, and for the love I feel for and from my Savior. I am grateful for the many examples and kind people that have been placed in my life to help me grow and help me learn. I am grateful for a living Prophet, who speaks God's will and prophesies to the world of the things He would have us know. I am grateful for all my blessings -- whether I recognize them or not -- and hope to be able to deserve the wonderful things in my life.
If you don't know, if you're not sure, and if you're even slightly curious, I would urge you to get your hands on a copy of the Book of Mormon and read it for yourself. Pray about it, give yourself 10 minutes a day to REALLY ponder, read, pray and search your heart to know if it's true. And I promise you that if you do, you will see what I see. You will know what I know. And you will want to learn more, be part of something bigger, and pattern your life after that of Jesus Christ. I know that the Church Of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints offers this to me and to anyone on this earth who will truly seek the truth.
This is my testimony to you. This is my testimony to my children. This is my testimony before the Lord Himself. It is personal, it is powerful, it is everything that I am.
Thank you for taking the time to read as I shared what is most precious to me.
-C
